Make Space for Loving Friends and Family!

What a lonely world it can be without friends and family that care about us!  Our lives get so busy sometimes, that we may just put our heads down and keep pushing through our "To Do List."

We tell our friends and family that we're sorry, but we have too much to do.  We tell them that we can't go here or there.  We can't meet them for lunch, or take time to go see a movie, or go for a walk.  We're just too busy! 

What we really are telling them -- although maybe not in so many words -- is that we really have more important things to do.  In effect, we're putting them (and our relationship with them) up on the shelf.  They're supposed to wait patiently there, until we're ready to go "play." 

What if all of a sudden we discover that we're out of time?  What if it's too late for us to decide that we miss them, and want to reconnect?  Sometimes people get tired of waiting for us to make space for them.  They move onto other more available relationships.  Sometimes a serious illness or injury happens, and the people we love are suddenly gone!

The important thing to remember is that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow!  We all need to make space in our lives for the friends and family that love us.  We shouldn't put them off until tomorrow.  Tomorrow may never come!

We need to reach out now to let them know we care!   Think about who you need to call or go see today.  Then go do it!!

Until next time,

Linda

Create a Circle of Kindness Around You, Wherever You Go!

 "Every man has his secret sorrows, which the world knows not, and often times we call a man cold, when he is only sad."

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 

When we're on the outside looking in, we can form a perception that isn't very accurate.  We might judge people as being unfriendly, when if the truth be known, they often are just shy or maybe struggling with some unshared sorrow.

What do we gain by rushing to judgement?  We don't know others' realities, unless they feel safe enough to share their truths. 

We need to extend an attitude of acceptance to all we come in contact with, unless they prove themselves undeserving.  If we began to treat each other with gentleness, the loneliness and sorrow that so many feel would be greatly diminished. 

People have an innate need to feel loved, cared about, and accepted!  This is particularly true when they're sad, confused, or afraid. 

Create a circle of kindness around you!  You never know when you might be extending a lifeline of caring to someone, just when its needed the most!

Until next time,

Linda

Don't Give Depression More Power

If you're depressed, the last thing you usually want to do is go outside and enjoy nature, or be somewhere around other people.  You probably don't feel like being active, and you just want to be left alone.  The more you allow depression to control the choices you make, though, the more powerful it becomes.

When you're alone and isolated in your house, the natural tendency is to think about the very things that are troubling you.  All the old tapes start playing loud and clear -- over and over.  Pretty soon, you just sink lower and lower into sadness.

We all have days when we feel down.  The blue feelings come.  They aren't pleasant, but they don't last.  This isn't depression. 

*However, if you feel a pervasive sadness that interferes with your ability to feel pleasure in anything, and it doesn't seem to be going away, the chances are good that you are experiencing at least some degree of depression.* 

Do what you can to not co-operate with it!  You don't want to give depression any more power over you than it already has.  Think about whether this is a familiar feeling.  If you've felt it before, was there anything that was helpful?  I'm not talking about self-medicating with drugs, alcohol, or any negative behaviors. 

I'm referring to positive choices.  Did it help to talk with a friend, listen to happy music, read uplifting books, eat healthier foods, or get more exercise?  These are just some of the alternatives that can lift your spirits. 

If you can't think of anything that might make you feel better, and the sadness has gone on for a period of time, it may be time to get some help.  It takes courage to reach out to a professional for guidance, but it can make a tremendous difference in your sense of well-being.

You deserve happiness and peace of mind!  Life isn't meant to be a struggle.  If you're in the Santa Barbara area, I would love to talk with you and see if I might be able to help.

Until next time,

Linda   

* Photo was taken at the Japanese Gardens in Portland, OR 

The Year Is Still New! What Will You Do with It?

As I sit writing this, it's the 6th of January, and our new year has just begun.  There's plenty of time for each of us to make this a year filled with good health, increased happiness, and a renewed sense of purpose. 

I don't know about you, but I don't personally make New Year's Resolutions.  They don't seem to work for me.  I do like to think of this time as a symbolic invitation to start fresh, though.  The year of 2012 is like a clean slate -- ready for each of us to draw our own magic on it!  

What do you want your new creation to be?  Do you want to paint your year in bright, joyful colors with big, bold, open strokes?  What would that look like for you? 

Right now, the future possibilities might be lying dormant.  Just like the scene captured in this picture!  The thick blanket of snow is hiding what's underneath.  There's a sense of stillness, like everything is hushed and waiting.  Are you waiting too?  What are you waiting for?

We all have an opportunity to look at the choices we make on a daily basis, and see if they're supporting the kind of lives we want.  If they aren't, then we have the freedom to make new choices! 

What if we're unhappy but uncomfortable with change?  The truth is that if we keep painting our days in shades of black and gray, and staying within the same tight, little circles we know so well, nothing will change!  We will get what we've always gotten. 

It's unlikely that we will look back on 2012 next December 31st, and see a year of glorious, vibrant color and expansive openness, unless we dare to break out of our old, familiar behaviors!  Are you willing to risk being different and maybe even vulnerable?

Are you ready to pick up your paints, and start to create your own vision for 2012?

Until next time,

Linda 

*  Photo credit goes to Mary Lou Aukee 

The Importance of Putting the Serenity Prayer into Practice in our Lives

THE SERENITY PRAYER

God, grant me the

SERENITY 

to accept the things I cannot change

COURAGE

to change the things I can

and the

WISDOM

to know the difference.

I belong to a wonderful networking group, called Contacts N Coffee, which meets every Friday morning in Santa Barbara.  Part of our meeting is to stand up, and, in 30 seconds, tell the group about what we do in our business.  

Last Friday, when it was my turn, I shared this prayer with the group.  I did it, because I realized a big part of what I do is to help my clients put this into practice.

Many times I work with people who are really suffering with anxiety or depression.  Some are not open to anything religious or spiritual.  If they are open, though, and if they seem to have a belief in a higher power -- and if their faith has given them comfort at some point in their lives, I give them a copy of The Serenity Prayer. 

They usually read it over quickly -- and then start to fold it and put it in their pocket or purse.  I ask them to please stop.  I tell them that I hope they won't just take it home, and stick it away in a drawer somewhere!  I ask them to put it up where they can see it first thing in the morning -- and the last thing at night -- and to really think about how their lives might change if they could put that prayer into action.

If you are feeling stuck, and don't know what to do to start moving forward in your life, think about this simple prayer.  Are you overwhelmed and anxious?  Really think about how different your life would be if you could accept the things that you can't change.  Then think about what it would be like it you could find the courage to change the things that you do have control over -- like the choices you make.  You can forge a new path, one small step after another.

As for the wisdom, that comes one prayer at a time!

Until next time,

Linda

* Photo credit:  I honestly don't remember whether my husband took this picture, or if I did, but I love the peacefulness of the scene!

The Sadness of Holidays

 

Do you ever walk down neighborhood streets at night, and think about the warm glowing scenes you see through the uncovered windows?  I do!  I like to imagine the happiness inside those homes!  Sometimes, though, that isn't the reality contained within.  Particularly at holidays, the scene can look festive, but the feelings inside people aren't joyous.

When I was a very young child, I read the Hans Christian Andersen story, "The Little Match Girl."  It formed such an image in my mind, that it's never left me!   I think about that cold, lonely, little girl, and the magical happiness she found when she struck the matches, and saw the scenes that warmed her heart, if not her body.

Do you feel like you're separated from the happiness that everyone else seems to be feeling during the holidays?  Do you feel like you're on the outside looking in towards the warm glow others are feeling?

There can so often be a profound, loneliness, a deep sadness, during this time of year!  The feeling of pain can be almost palpable!  There you are missing those loved ones, who through death, distance, or misunderstanding are not close by.  You long to reach out to them, and feel the warmth of their smile, their touch, but you can't.  It can feel like you're so alone with your sorrow.

.

Honor the depth of your feelings, and the meaningfulness of who, and what, you're missing.  Allow yourself to remember the good times, the laughter, the warmth of your mutual caring.  Acknowledge the sadness and your wish to be together again.  What you're feeling is honest and natural.  There's nothing wrong with grieving a loss.  

Then follow your internal wisdom.  What do you need to help you feel better, once you have allowed yourself to feel your sadness?  Do you need to get quiet within yourself and be with your feelings some more?  Do you need to "talk" with God, or your loved one, through prayer or meditation?  Do you need to write about what you're feeling in a journal or diary?  Do you need to call a friend or family member to connect and feel less alone?  Is there anything that has helped you in the past, when you've felt alone and sad?

If none of these help, and you are truly feeling the heaviness of your sorrow, please call a professional for support and guidance during this difficult time.   Don't stay trapped in your sadness! There are people who care, and they can only help if they know you need them. 

Until next time,

Linda   

You Never Know What's Right Around the Corner!

My husband and I were out enjoying nature the other morning, and it made me think about how we see life.  We came to a spot at a local bird refuge, and there was so much growing in the water that we couldn't see through it.  I had a new lens on our camera, and I wanted to get some good  shots, so I was feeling a bit frustrated. 

My husband kept saying that there was a clearing up ahead, but I couldn't see it.  After walking for awhile the growth started to lessen.  Suddenly we broke through to an area where the lake became more visible.  We couldn't see everything, but we could see much more than earlier.

Sometimes we get so focused on what's in front of us at the moment, that we forget what might be right around the corner.  That can be wonderful if what you're dealing with is something joyful, but what if what you're dealing with something painful, frustrating, or scarey? 


Like everyone else, I have hard times come into my life.  When I'm in the middle of something like that, it's hard to remember that this is not going to be the focus of my life forever.  If I can remind myself that I've dealt with hard times before, and I've survived, it can be helpful. 

Do what you need to do to help yourself go through your times of challenge, and while you're doing that, remind yourself that change is a constant.  Nothing ever stays the same.  Life -- and scenery -- is constantly changing!  Just when you think you can't hold on any longer, you break through all the confusion, pain, and fear -- and things start to smooth out. 


Finally, we came to an area that was completely clear, and it revealed the bigger picture of the lake.  It was there all the time!  We just couldn't see it for awhile.

If you are at a place in your life where you just can't see an end to whatever you're struggling with, try to stay patient, reach out for help, and then gently encourage yourself to just keep moving forward until things begin to clear. 

Until next time,

Linda